Saturday, May 29, 2010
I F**cked Up
I messed up. I messed up bad. The worse kind of messing up you can get into. The kind of messing up that you get when you mix the poison of love, poison of lust, and the poison of saddness. I fell in love with a guy that lives in Oklahoma. The first day we yiffed was magical. I didn't know how to roleplay back then, but he taught me how. He touched my heart in ways that it's never been touched before. Then he left. He left for a long time. His leaving pushed me spiriling into a deep depression, untill he came. His name was Arvedis. He was just like Wolf in every way. They used the same wordings, they role played the same, and Arve touched my heart in the same way Wolf did. We mated. We were mates for a long time, and we loved every minute of it. But, Arve left too. He's still gone, and that's partialy the reason that I'm writing this, then Wolf came back. Every blissful moment I had with him, every loving touch, every single thing he did, came back. His returning pulled my mind. I pleasured him in every way I could over the internet. (Shut the hell up. Yes this is an interent reletionship, but that doesn't make it any less real. I loved Wolf with every part of my heart.) Then I broke up with Arve, because of Wolf. I made up a lie saying that he's never on and we can't do anything. I told him another lie, that I didn't want a mate for a long time. It worked, for about two weeks. Then I asked Wolf to be my mate out in public. He said he had to think about it. That broke my heart. It shattered my heart into one million pieces. See, if I have never mated with Arve, Wolf would've jumped on me on a heartbeat! It's messed up. I'm trapped in a web of poison, tainted, unhealthy love... Help me Wolf.. Help me.